As Bob got older we began to realise something wasn't right - Him - he didn't just have one imaginary friend, he had a gang...long before it was fashionable.
He would sometimes wear his nappy on his head and talk in tongues as we thought...it later turned to to be Urdu...he'd have violent arguments over toys..with himself and eventually we had to get the professionals in...not Body and Doyle...people from social services.
They were very helpful, they’d scratch their heads and say “Weird innit”.
So as a last resort we took him to the doctor who sent him to a child psychologist who said”Weird innit”
So we learned to live with it and got to know his little friends by name.
School was a bit of a problem and eventually he was put in a special one...it was nice, that they thought he was special don't you think?
From an early age he had problems with authority figures....unfortunately he saw lamp posts as authority figures for some reason and spent a lot of time head butting them. To solve the problem we super glued a piece of foam rubber to his forehead. It was quite expensive and got him a lot of stick from the other kids.....the brave ones anyway.....and he grew up fighting all and sundry- unfortunately only two of the little friends in his head were good fighters so we spent many happy hours in intensive care. In fact he had so many xrays, by the age of six he was classified as toxic waste by the local environmental officer.
As he matured he got quite chunky and began to throw his extra weight around and was soon voted number one bully in Salford.....an award he still boasts about to this day..
There's lots of stories to tell and I'll tell them here over the coming years but if you want to make up your own mind about Bob have a look at some of the video I’ve taken of him recently---it really does show that mental instability can be a good career move.
Uncle Joe Bloggs
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